Torricelli Simpkins III leads the undrafted honorable mentions.
It’s a few days late, but it’s here. Ralphie Report is proud to announce the best names in the 2025 NFL Draft. The usual rule is that we only include players selected in the draft, but there is the Habakkuk Baldonado Exception in which a UDFA can be chosen if their name is cool enough.
QB – Jaxson Dart, Ole Miss
Whether or not he should’ve been drafted over Shedeur Sanders is one thing, but for this article Jaxson has both a cool ‘x’ in his first name and a last name apt for a pocket passer.
RB – Quinshon Judkins, Ohio State; Bhayshul Tuten, Virginia Tech
Quinshon Judkins fits the Kayvon Thibodeaux phenomenon of a name that’s been known for so long that we no longer consider how crazy it is. Bhayshul Tuten, welcome.
WR – Konata Mumpfield, Pitt; LaJohntay Wester, Colorado
Konata could be a normal enough West African name, but it’s combination with the podunk-sounding Mumpfield that turns this into a banger.
TE – Oronde Gadsden II, Syracuse; Rivaldo Fairweather, Auburn
Rivaldo was not drafted, but it’s so, so, so good.
OL – Aireontae Ersery, Minnesota; Ozzy Trapilo, Boston College; Ajani Cornelius, Oregon; Torricelli Simpkins III, South Carolina
Usually it’s five offensive linemen, but there weren’t any standouts besides these. Aireontae Ersery is a banger. Ozzy and Ajani are solid. And then there’s TORRICELLI SIMPKINS III, the undrafted Gamecock whose father and grandfather were possibly named after the inventor of the barometer.
DL — Aeneas Peebles, Virginia Tech; Tonka Hemingway, South Carolina; Zeek Biggers, Georgia Tech
Them big boys eatin’ good. Aeneas could be named after the Greek hero, but more likely the 2001 Pro Bowler Aeneas Williams. Tonka is a childhood nickname for Terrell, pairing beautifully with the American classic Hemingway. Zeek Biggers — hell yeah.
Edge — Fadil Diggs, Syracuse; Barryn Sorrell, Texas
Not great, but good names. Fadil Diggs is just cool. Barryn Sorrell leans hard into southern state suburbia.
LB — Smael Mondon Jr., Georgia; Chris Paul Jr., Ole Miss
There is not just one Smael Mondon in the world, but two. And no, Chris Paul Jr.’s dad is not who you’re thinking of.
CB — Shavon Ravel Jr., East Carolina; Upton Stout, Western Kentucky; Mac McWilliams, UCF
The DBs are usually better than this.
CB (UDFAs) — Frentrell Cyprus III, Florida State; O’Donnell Fortune, South Carolina; Isas Waxter, Villanova
Ahhh, that’s better.
S — Trikweze Bridges, Florida; Rayuan Lane III, Navy; Lathan Ransom, Ohio State
It’s been a long time since D’Brickashaw Ferguson retired, but we might have our spiritual successor in Trikweze Bridges.
Honorable Mentions: Isaac TeSlaa, Teddye Buchanan, Jacory Croskey-Merritt, Alijah Huzzie, Yahya Black, LeQuint Allen, Ulysses Bentley IV (UDFA), Jahvaree Ritzie (UDFA)